Discovering yourself takes time and patience.

Reflecting on where you've been

When we encounter challenges in life, we get on with living and don't always look at what's happening to us and how we're handling the situation. This way of dealing with problems is a little like burying your head in a pillow and folding the sides around your ears so that you cannot see or hear anything. Sure, you feel protected, but it's not helping you to resolve the issue.

By looking at your past, you can learn more about yourself and how you think. And, this knowledge up skills you far more than you realise. 

Let's look at an example. 

Years ago, 20 to be exact, Joan and her husband parted ways. They had three small children. The marriage breakup was relatively simple. 

Joan was tired of her husband's cheating, drinking and recreational substance use. Her husband wanted to live the party-boy lifestyle without any ties or the responsibility of a family. So, the couple mutually agreed to end the relationship. 

Joan's husband moved to another state. In contrast, Joan remained in the family home with her children. Joan thought she'd be happy. But she wasn't.

Looking Deeper

Two months after her husband left, Joan found herself sitting on her lounge room floor crying. The tears were endless, and she couldn't stop. She felt sad and couldn't see how she could regain her happiness. 

Some would say Joan was grieving the loss of her marriage. Others would say she was depressed. Joan, however, felt lost. 

Joan was a mother to three beautiful children; she had been a devoted wife. She was a hard-working personal assistant, and she had given her all to these roles. So much so that Joan had nothing left to give to herself. She felt drained, unappreciated and wanted more time for herself. But she didn't know how to move on. 

Looking for answers, Joan turned to a health and wellness coach. 

Talking About You

Joan and her coach connected the first time they met. Joan felt comfortable discussing how she felt about her life with her coach because her coach listened to her without offering any advice. 

While her friends and family were worried about her suffering from depression and anxiety, Joan didn't feel this was the case. So, when her coach asked if she would like a referral to a specialist, Joan said, "No, I think together we can work through this. I want to find time for me so that I can regain my happiness."

To understand Joan better, her coach asked her about her happiness in the past. What had made her happy and why. 

Joan sat for a moment thinking.

Then she looked at her coach and said, "I'm not sure how to answer," 

Rather than offering Joan advice, her coach asked her, "What made you happy before you met your husband?"

"Oh, that's easy," said Joan. "Teaching, ice skating and playing the flute."

Joan and her coach discussed these in detail. During the conversation, Joan began to talk with enthusiasm, and she started to smile.

Often when you reflect on your past, you can recall memories and what you enjoyed about life before you feeling as though you've gone down the wrong path. This reflection enables you to remember your emotional connection to life - what drove you to think and feel the way you did and why you behaved in a certain way. 

Reflecting on the past enables you to discover your strengths, which sometimes get lost as you grow older and travel on your journey through life. These reflections can be an awakening to how you've reached the point where you're are now. 

Contemplating where you're at

By reflecting, you're able to see where you're at with greater clarity. You don't feel powerless or alone anymore, and you begin to see yourself for who you are, not what others have told you should be or how they perceive you. 

This act then leads to you contemplating your present situation. You consider what has happened, why it has happened and how you can change the situation you're in to be more favourable for you. 

When this occurs, it is almost like you've lifted off that pillow you put over your head so that you can see and hear everything. Your awareness becomes heightened, and you no longer wish to feel protected. Instead, you want to resolve the issue at hand and look towards your future. 

Discovering What's Missing

Joan, for instance, discovered that she had been happiest in her life when she taught others, ice skated and played the flute. And yet, when she married, she had given away all of these loves. She had chosen to become a wife and later a mother, and she had let her husband take care of the family's financial responsibility while she raised children. 

When she looked at her past, she realised that she had none of her loves in her present life. Her awareness of her losses made her understand what she'd sacrificed. Now she needed to find out why she had let these loves go. 

Joan talked to her coach some more. As she discussed her day-to-day life since meeting her husband, Joan began to realise that she'd let her loves go because she hadn't known how to manage her time. As she'd grown from a wife into a mother, Joan tended to the needs of others - her husband's and children's - and while she thought this was enough for her, she became aware that it wasn't. She'd forgotten herself. 

Filling the Gap Yourself

This realisation for Joan meant she had solved her problem. She needed to focus on what she had once loved to restore her happiness. Changing too much at once would be challenging to manage. Contemplating her choices - teaching, ice skating or playing the flute - Joan decided to buy a flute and start playing again. 

Together with her coach Joan established goals to work towards her vision of playing the flute again. Joan's goals were small steps towards successfully establishing a routine, so she had enough time for herself.

She felt excited about her future and wanted to start by researching flutes, looking at costs, and setting a budget.

Looking towards your future

Joan's vision of playing the flute again allowed her to bring happiness back into her life and discover herself. How will you discover yourself? 

Let's look towards your future...